Right ladies, honest answer now. What do you do when you meet the seemingly perfect partner, who wines and dines you and treats you right, shows you respect and doesn’t push it then, on that night when you finally decide to go ahead with the deed, doesn’t quite, well, live up to expectations? Interpret as you will.
This time last year I was as chuffed as a lovestruck teenager to hit it off with a friend’s sexy, older, Italian housemate. I felt my heart flutter like an overexcited daddy longlegs as his lips touched mine, but unfortunately the adolescent similie didn’t lift as he proceeded to slobber all over me in a way that I would expect a bloke nearly twenty years his junior to have done.
Then there was the Bostonian banker. He did have his plus points, but they were coupled with a rather miniscule, ahem, appendage. Let’s face it, that was never going to hit the spot. I was heartbroken when it ended, but I must confess to a certain underlying sense of relief.
Another couple of significant exes shared an uncanny likeness for attempting to win the time trial, with only that one goal in mind. In fairness they were considerate of my needs - rather sweet in a way - but I do now have a rather different interpretation of ‘rampant rabbit’ to before. And not in a good way.
But is the physical side of a relationship really so important that it’s worth losing an otherwise perfectly good catch over? Can you really teach an old dog new tricks? Yes, maybe so, but by the time you’re in your mid-late twenties you really would hope that they at least had a secure foundation to build on. I think it might be time I went for a different kind of guy…
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